It’s time for another update. My last update was August 7th, 2025; that is 8 months and 21 days ago. Doesn’t seem like a serious amount of time, yet I already feel the tides changing. Something I’ve been thinking about lately is the transformation of self. Day to day, year to year, I am not the same, neither are you (probably). This is not an absolute, simply and observation, but it seems that the trajectory of our lives is not always shaped by massive events. If you live cautiously, as I do, the path is nudged lightly, like a long distance space mission. I find myself reflecting during this time. I have been charging blindly forward, forging new bonds, losing hope, letting go. Life is long, and as such presents plenty of opportunity for uncomfortable reminders of the past.

It’s a strange thing to care. When you care, you allow both the opportunity for wonderful things and devastating disappointment. When I care about something or someone, I care a lot, so as you can imagine, this has created a turbulent life of ups and downs. I’m currently navigating a terrain in which many things can go wrong. I am choosing to have faith in people, to share my art with them, to give them the permission to destroy it. I have done this before, I have been scarred, but I can’t seem to help myself. The path of the solitary artist is not for me. I want to connect, share experiences, amplify and unify voices into something greater than its parts, this much is clear. The downside of these endeavors is eventual loss and deep wounds.

I’m trying to hold things lightly. I have deep admiration for Thich Nhat Hanh, I come back to his teachings time and time again. A quote that I reference often is “Every time you embrace a strong emotion with mindfulness and restore your clarity and calm, your spiritual practice grows”. Encouraging words, I find most useful during difficult times, when I have no control of a situation. I have also been exploring the work of Friedrich Nietzsche, quite a different world view, yet an empowering one. The Buddhist method of letting go, being like water, and Nietzsche’s stone-like resolve, to stare down those parts of the self that scare you, to own what you are and do what is in your power. Is there a middle ground? I find it harder and harder to choose a path.

I don’t really feel like talking about music and art. I am finding it more confusing. I have meditated on the “why” behind making music for a long time. I have traced its origins to the desires of belonging, community, acceptance, affirmation. I don’t necessarily feel that these are “bad” reasons to make music or art. Yet there is something in me that wants to let go of all of them. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever made anything worthwhile while any of these things were on my mind. It’s in the process of letting go, losing yourself, that seems to be the only path.

In the spirit of this, I’m making a pledge to myself. As serious as things start to feel, I will not let go of the spirit, the freedom, the mystery, the flow. I’m going through something right now, where things are feeling less stable, less permanent. Certain previous experiences have revealed that this is not a passing feeling, but a state that is always accessible. Where-in you see things for what they are. When the spool begins to unwind and you get to the core. All of my anxieties around accomplishment, belonging, and fulfillment disappear. All the broken, shattered dreams and hopes form a mosaic, things fall into place. When you’re able to embrace the present moment, you see what’s truly important, only that which exists right now.